Promises…In the Dark…

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

I’m standing in a completely dark room. There might be a power blackout. Or it could be a dungeon. Perhaps the person in front of me is blindfolded. In any case, she asks, “What do you look like?”

“Tall. Incredibly handsome. A luscious head of brown hair. An incredibly winning smile.” And I can tell that she smiles at this description.

Now let’s dissect that description for accuracy.

“Tall.” Well, 5’11. I used to be 6’0” but apparently some shrinkage has occurred in the last few years. I went to an appointment with a health data gathering group, and they were adamant that I was now 5’11”. I even made it official on my drivers license when I renewed. Damn.

“Incredibly handsome.” Frequent readers of this blog may recall me discussing how I only thought of myself as handsome in recent years when someone called me that. I still think “maybe good-looking,” but incredibly handsome is an exaggeration.

“A luscious head of brown hair.” In my mind it is! I think of myself with a full head of hair. However, I have been described by others as “the bald guy,” though balding may be more accurate; I still have the sides and back. (The old saying is, “Bald in the front, you’re a lover, bald in the back, you’re a thinker.” I don’t know what happens when the two bald areas meet.) I started going visibly bald at age 19 and at 25 lost all hope. Then I saw a photo of my maternal grandfather (where the gene comes from) and realized I never had a chance. I have his baldness pattern. In grey, no longer brown, though occasionally a brown, black, or even red beard hair stands out and waves to the world.

“Incredibly winning smile.” I think I can make people laugh, but my smile’s a bit crooked. I was supposed to get braces as a kid, but my mother couldn’t afford them, so I have the “bunny teeth” in front, and other crooked dentistry. When I eat crackers, my teeth split them in many crumb-creating directions (which explain why they usually go in my mouth whole). For photos, my smile is generally without parted lips.

The truth is not so pretty, is it? But when you’re in a dungeon rescuing a damsel in distress, you can be whomever you want to be!