What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?
Sometimes, you’re asked a question, and you have to replay your entire life in your mind—rewind, fast-forward, stop, play, then more rewinding… Did you miss any details, and did you see enough of the highlights? Rewind again….
Or maybe it’s more like checking your analytics. Search parameter: hard or big decisions. Flatline, small rises and falls, here’s a peak! Zoom in for further details.
On reflection, there are some major decisions I made in my life, but I’m not sure they qualify as hard decisions. The circumstances that brought me to that point and the situation in the moment often suggested, if not dictated, the final choice.
For example, I really liked cars in my early teen years, and thought that I would like to transfer to Vo-Tech in my junior year to study auto mechanics. The time then came to make the decision to go or not, and I decided not to go. I’m not sure what factors went into that, but that was an easy one, to stay where I was and continue in more academic studies. As it turns out, that was the ideal choice for me in that moment and for my life and career.
I had decided to attend OSU because of the Master of Fine Arts in Directing program. But the program was in trouble (an administrator trying to fire the head of the program, among other things) and I was struggling with the work—not the directing, but the ancillary classes expected of actors and directors. I had reached a point where I didn’t think I could do it anymore, and so I switched to the more academic, less rigorous MA program. That allowed me to get out of OSU in 2 rather than 3 years, which looked like a great idea. (And it was.)
And then applying to and deciding to go to Berkeley, which necessitated a move from Pennsylvania to California and a whole new environment. I’d be a stranger in a strange land, but it seemed to me I needed to make such a big step. Again, maybe be a half-brainer (instead of a no-brainer) decision.
Likely the fear of change I had in high school, to uproot for parts unknown, which certainly had factored into my decision, had left me, and I felt myself embracing change, which was a major part of my development for the remainder of my life. Though I did occasionally dig in my heels—for example, paying no attention to the Berkeley Dramatic Art faculty who wanted me to leave the program. Perhaps that’s an example of a hard decision (that had me take the qualifying exams twice, do the oral dissertation defense twice, and fire my advisor for a new one) that, while obvious to me, was the hardest choice of all.
MUSOFYR 